Thursday, July 06, 2006

The internet ruins Senate naptime

On Iowahawk, guest blogger Sen. Ted Stevens follows up his recent explanation of the dangers of net neutrality by explaining how the internet can bring chaos into your home or office. Basically, it's very simple. When the tubes are full of cream cheese and movie stars, you can't get your talkies and the internet will turn down the thermostat. This is Onion-caliber work.
I just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why?

Because it got tangled up with all the celluloid clogging the internets on the way to the Western Union, and by the time the Internet-o-gram boy got the to my office it was already Senate nap time so he just shoved it under my door. This is what happens when you rely on internets, and when our young internet delivery boys start smoking the marijuana and lose all sense of responsibilty.

And when my aides woke me up for this vote, do you know what I realized? The internet had sneakily rearranged my office furniture, and I was unable to find my spectacles and pill organizer.
Seriously, people, stop the madness. The tubes are delicate, and we must stop clogging them with zoot suit lotharios. The internet is not a truck. It's NOT a TRUCK!


dan said...

But isn't it really just a truck?

7/08/2006 2:34 AM  
jess said...

YOU'RE a truck.

7/08/2006 6:46 PM  

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